oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
