Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
