booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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