my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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