Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
