I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
