I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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