so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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