"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he fucked my hip out of place.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
