so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
