the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize
