he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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