then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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