I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
