??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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