As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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