I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
