y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
