I think my vagina is haunted
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
