drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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