All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
