Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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