So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
