he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
