yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Is that strawberry winking at me??
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
