i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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