Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
only you would photoshop your dick
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
