so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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