i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
