i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
