Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
