how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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