I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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