If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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