last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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