walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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