there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
