guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
