Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
