There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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