You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
