Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
