Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
