I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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