Just cropdusted the office
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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