I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
