I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
They should really pass out barf bags in church
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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