I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
