DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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