I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just cropdusted the office
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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